I’m listening to Amanda Palmer’s The Art of Asking on my drive to and from work. That is a mistake. It really is a book that you need to read or listen to when you don’t need to be presentable later. I hit a part this morning that made me cry and I did it right as I was parking at work. I had to stop right in the middle of this really sad, angsty part and I know when I leave work today, that I will go back to that part. Part of me wants to turn on the radio and forget about the book, but most of me wants to know what Amanda has to say.

I’m a weird Amanda Palmer fan. I’m actually a fan of Amanda Palmer the person and not so much the musician. Most of her music doesn’t really resonate with me. I really like the independent, ballsy woman that she is. I love the vulnerability and intimacy that she shares with the world. I love the way she lives her life with every fiber of her being. She is an amazing woman.

It also goes to show me just what has been missing in my life. I haven’t been living to my fullest potential. I’m not an Amanda Palmer in your face personality. I’m not going to bare my naked body to the world. BUT! I can stop living my life in my little corner of the world. I can step out of the shadows of my own insecurities and face the sun, both in the real world and online. I can take steps forward into a bright and better future.

What does that have to do with asking? Well, I can’t do it alone. I need help AND I need to ask for help. There is that word. Ask, asking, asked… It’s scary. People can say no. Even worse, people can say yes. If someone says no, that permission to stay in your small, safe world. When people say yes, you have to step out and step up into the scary, brighter, sometimes rougher and bigger world. It isn’t easy and it is always scary, but it will be so worth it.

So, this is beginning on my journey of scary. Taking those first steps into the light. Putting myself onto the stage of life. This is me asking for help. Will you go on this journey with me? Will you hold my hand through the scary times and celebrate the good times? I’m looking for friends, family, a tribe. Will you follow my journey?

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