What is Pansexuality?

According to the Urban Dictionary, “Pansexuality is one who can love sexuality in many forms. Like bisexuality, but even more fluid, a pansexual person can love not only the traditional male and female genders, but also transgendered, androgynous, and gender fluid people.”

Pansexuality means that you are attracted to the person and not the gender or your attractive to all the genders alike.

How did this manifest in my life?

Let me take you back over 2 decades when I was in my early 20s. I meet my first lesbian. Yes, it was the late 90’s, and I had known this young lady (let’s call her Lisa) for 2-3 years, but she had come out of the closet. It was the first time that I had ever met someone who liked the same gender and it made me think.

Now, it wasn’t the first time I had liked the same gender. It was the first time that I realized that was okay. I grew up in Falwell country and my Dad went to Liberty University to be a preacher. I spent most of my childhood being taught that anything outside of Falwell’s Bible was a sin and would send me straight to hell. My parents still believe that way. It wasn’t even a thought in my head that my school girl crushes on other girls were anything other than wanting to be like them or seeking approval from my teachers.

Now, here it is, the late 90’s and Lisa is coming out to me because she wants advice on how to get my other friend (let’s call her Belle) to go out with her. I had no idea what to tell Lisa because as far as I knew Belle was straight, but I told Lisa that I would talk to Belle and I did. Lisa and Belle ended up dating for about 6 months before I lost contact. I have no idea what happened after that.

For me, it sparked a desire to try being with a girl. I was dating at the time and so I put that desire on hold. Once that relationship was over, I dated a couple of ladies, but I continue to date men as well. I never discriminated between the two because it didn’t matter to me. I was never a part of the LGBT community, so I never worried about gender at all. I dated people I was attracted to and didn’t consider gender as a qualification. I didn’t consider race a qualification either. I have this unique talent to be able to find something attractive in anyone and if it hits at the right time and place, I’ll go out with them.

At that time, I identified as bi-sexual as I had no idea that pansexual was an option. I’m not even sure when pansexual became an option.

What I Believe Now

I don’t believe that gender should ever be a barrier to finding someone attractive or falling in love. When two or more people come together because they enjoy spending time together and they want to enjoy spending that time naked and sexy, then why do you or anyone else care. Let them enjoy themselves. If they are inviting you to join in and you don’t want to, say “No, thank you” and walk away. Don’t be mean and nasty about it.

I don’t care what gender you are. If I like you, I’ll date you. I don’t care if you have boobs or a dick. I don’t care if you have boobs and a dick. I don’t care if you had boobs and now have a dick or had a dick and now have boobs. It all depends on if you and I are compatible, if there is something in you that I find enticing, if there is some spark of attraction between us. If there is, great, awesome, fabulous – we can see where it goes. If not, then that is fine too. We can be friends.

My best friend is also my life partner. She is asexual and has never and will never have a desire to find a sexual relationship. She gets brain crushes. She is the most important person in my life, but I have never been attracted to her. I love her more than life itself, but I have never wanted to have sex with her. If the attraction isn’t there, we can have that kind of awesome friendship. I can always use more friends!

What About The Future

On a rare occasion that someone doesn’t automatically assume that my best friend and I are a couple (yeah, that happens a lot!), I get asked if I’m ever going to get married. My answer to that is probably not. I’m not against the idea of marriage. I don’t see the practicalities. My biggest issues is in addition to being pansexual, I’m also polyamorous. I’m not interested in a legal marriage when all my partners can’t be a part of it. Not that it an issue at the moment. As I write this post, I am single.

I am looking to find the people who are compatible with the life I want to live. I’m not sure if I will ever find those people, but I’m keeping my options open. I want to travel for the rest of my life. I want an online art business. I want to stay true to myself and who I am. I want to inspire others with my creativity and positivity. The people who want to be with me would need to want those goals to as well as pass the best friend test.

The Best Friend Test

I mentioned earlier that my best friend is also my life partner. We have been friends for over 25 years and have lived as roommates for over 20 years. That is not going to change. We are planning to travel together, to be business partners and to live our lives together. Anyone that wants to be a part of my life will need to be a part of her life as well. Her friendship means more to me than most anything else in this world. I can be friends and acquaintances with people that my best friend doesn’t like, but I could never be intimate with them. There would be something holding me back.

Live Life To The Fullest

I don’t worry about dating all that often. I worry about living life to the fullest. I want to grow and learn more every day. I want to be a better person. I want to surround myself with positivity and creativity. If I also happen to find the person or people that can intimate with, then that is awesome. If I don’t, I’m not really worried about it. I’m planning to live life, not watch it pass me by. I’ll make friends and learn new skills. I’ll travel the world and help others. I’ll earn money and spend money. It doesn’t matter if I have a sexual partner to do that with. I have my best friend as a companion and it is enough. I’m open to the possibility of more, but happy with what I have.


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