How many times in your life do you ask yourself these questions? Who am I? What makes me the person I am? What makes me tick? Why do I act this way?
Lately, I have been asking myself these questions all the time. I can’t seem to stop. It all started about seven months ago when I got fired from my job. No, I didn’t do anything wrong. My bosses sold the company I worked for and the new owners let go about 80% of the in house staff from February to July 2018. I was in that first batch in February. I’ve been fired in the past for doing something wrong, and that felt bad. This was worse. I took being fired for cause with no problems. That was my fault and I should have known better. This time though, it wasn’t my fault. I had no idea being fired was coming. It was devastating. It hit hard and it wreaked my life.
I’m 44 and starting my life over. At least it feels that way. I have spent the last seven months discovering who I am as a person, an artist, a woman. I’m making connections that with people I haven’t made connections with in years. Every day, I’m scaring myself by making decisions and experimenting with matters I’ve never done before. It’s making me rearrange the way I think, move, eat and play. I’m making plans and goals. It’s leading to me becoming a different person.
I met up with a friend last week who hadn’t seen me in months. We were work friends at that job I was fired from. We had stayed in touch by talking on the phone every couple of weeks and emailing between, but we hadn’t seen each other except once since I was fired. When we meet up for lunch, we spent a good 45 minutes together. She called me up a couple days after that lunch and wanted to know if I was okay.
“I’m fine,” I said. “Why?”
“You seemed down.”
“I’m fine. I’m more settled. Not as manic as I was when I was working before.” I grinned. “I’m calmer and more sure of myself. I’m not faking it as much as I was before. I was unhappy at the old job and I couldn’t let it show, so I was faking I was happy a lot.”
Even my best friend who is also my roommate can see a change in my attitude. She says that I’m a lot happier. My outlook is positive. I’m more comfortable with myself and I seem happier. If even those who see me every day can see the changes a few months have made, I must be doing something right.
I started this page asking some questions. I’m going to start answering those same questions. These answers are a work in progress and the answers will change over time. You are seeing a snapshot of who I am today, September 11, 2018! This whole blog is about how I will grow and change. It’s about who I will become over time.
Who am I?
I am Kat Sanders.
- Devotee of Creativity
- Positivity Apprentice
- Motivation Scholar
- Lifelong Learner
- Best Friend
- Appreciator of Beauty
- Connoisseur of Excellence
- Dreamer of Wonders
- Aficionado of Curiosity
- Collector of Inspiration
- Lover of Individuality
While this list is not complete by a long shot, it’s a good start. I may come back at some point and add more to it. The items on this list are enough to give you a good introduction into who I am. If you are interested in learning more, please check out the other pages and posts. There’s no rhythm or reason to this blog. This is my online journal and art blog. If it isn’t on here, it’s too personal to go on the internet at all.